Trainer,
When I look at the email I wrote yesterday and what happened last
night it is kind of remarkable that you could not have read it until
today… yet some of the things I was thinking about happened… in a
different way of course. I had no idea that would take place. In fact
the whole;e night was full of surprises for me. When you, gT, and MsD
were talking, I thought you had decided just to not let me pee at all,
until I couldn’t stand it any more, and I wasn’t really sure how to
handle that… but that wasn’t what took place at all. Next I thought
you were going to make me listen to you pee, while I wasn’t allowed
which you did for a minute but then put me in the tub, where I ended
up squirting all over myself because you squeezed me just after i
started and directed it where you wanted *burn*. I felt very pushed
down by that which perhaps paved the way for the rest of the night. I
took a shower after that to wash off, and also warm up, because I had
been cold earlier, and that felt very good and relaxing.
I felt good when I came back to see you, pushed down for sure but
relaxed and easily felt submissive and comfortable kissing your feet,
and even in my later resists to go pee. I think those felt easier
because i was already feeling so submissive that it was easier to ask
in any manner you wanted. We just chatted normally for quite a while
as I brought your beers and we drank together in a very pleasant way
(for me). All of my resistance was gone, and I did not mind having to
ask so badly, more than some inconvenience, but definitely not
resisting by then.. I think we discussed the progress of the diet and
so forth, and probably many other things but the feeling of being so
submissive did not go away. Its nice to feel that way as it makes
everything else so much easier for me.
Eventually I ate some breakfast and came back to sit by you on the
floor. When I had to ask to pee again, this time you required me to
beg. Begging is usually very hard for me mentally… I have not sorted
out why, but sometimes I resist it very much, and have to force myself
through the motions, which I a sure does not appear to genuine to you.
But if I cant get in the right mindset, that’s all I can do. However,
last night I was feeling so pushed down, and perhaps horny too, but
mostly pushed down and it came much easier, as I tried to display me
need to you and beg sincerely for your permission. It wasn’t granted
easily though, and you had me sink deeper into the feeling, lowering
my body even more while kneeling, with my head near the floor. As I
did this and arched lower, feeling even more pushed down and owned, I
felt vaguely the same as when I was hypnotized… in a comfortable
place offering my body to you, without holding back. The more this
went on the deeper I seem to fall. At some point I could feel your
fingers brushing over my back, and nudging me into the position you
wanted. I have found that is a very hot button for me, being
positioned by your hands. Eve did that and so did Miss Lynn, and I
was very aware of it. It has the effect of calming me yet feeling very
controlling, especially done so lightly, and pushes me down a lot. It
gets to me to be “positioned”.. in a lot of ways although I was afraid
to let it feel too erotic with them. In any case you did this to me as
I was attempting to beg, and when you do it it has a LOT more effect
and my mind just crumbled. From then on I felt like I was in a dream,
stuck in slow motion, heated and wanting, and very very owned. I felt
like you owned every square inch of my body and mind, which you do,
but I do not always feel it so intensely. And it made me feel hot too,
even though I still needed to pee. I thin the intensity of the
submissive feeling and heat soon overshadowed my need to pee, so that
I was only vaguely aware of it from time to time when I moved.
You had me crawling at that point on the floor everywhere I went..
which I did not resist at all… I felt I belonged there if you wanted
me there… and I fetched the lube and your gloves and returned with
them too you…. sometimes bringing you another beer in the process.
That pushed me down as well, bringing you a beer while you had me so
submissive, playing with my body. This time instead of beating me, you
teased me into waning to be fucked so deeply *burn*… that is such a
low feeling but even now it arouses me to remember how it felt. I
shamelessly opened up my body to you to take, and you did, penetrating
my as at will and I had no resistance…it felt too hot to deny and so
low for me. AT one point I remember vaguely that you were pressing
against things that made me feel like cumming and peeing at the same
time… I did not know what was going to happen, but I felt I was
going to start dripping cum… I may have I am not sure, but not too
much. I think you finally let me pee, crawling back and forth…
probably getting you a beer at the same time. I was totally pushed
down, headed and submissive by then I don’t recall ever feeling that
far down before, although I must have from some other things you have
done. I know you asked me if I liked being violated that way, and I
could do nothing but agree *burn* I felt like melting through the
floor hearing myself saying that. I am truly yours, Trainer. I may try
to resist, although I don’t really want to on a higher plane, but you
do not allow it… you push until you have shown me it is gone. That’s
very hot to me. I know that can’t always happen, especially when I am
terribly afraid, but you can cut through my mental resistance I am
quite convinced. Part of this is I do not want to resist ( but I may
anyway for some reason). I doubt this is making sense to you, and I
don’t understand why I would resist when i don’t want to, but I know I
do at times. It is hot to dissolve that.
I know this is in our history now, further making us unequal. I can
not deny what has happened, nor how low I sink, kind of like a mark to
be worn from now on… Perhaps it will fade in time, only to be
replaced by fresh ones, just like the physical marks you leave on me
from time to time.
You put me in bed after that. I remember you coming to bed later but
kind of vague…I must have gone right back to sleep. This morning
when I woke it felt very good to be near you.. I love that. I felt
very horny by the time I got up, but there was nothing I could do
about it.
I love you very much. Thank you so much for making me know and feel so
deeply yours. You make it seems so easy but I know there is a lot more
too it than I know. I am very grateful you renew that feeling in me
from time to time as it makes serving you
devoted love,
b
When I look at the email I wrote yesterday and what happened last
night it is kind of remarkable that you could not have read it until
today… yet some of the things I was thinking about happened… in a
different way of course. I had no idea that would take place. In fact
the whole;e night was full of surprises for me. When you, gT, and MsD
were talking, I thought you had decided just to not let me pee at all,
until I couldn’t stand it any more, and I wasn’t really sure how to
handle that… but that wasn’t what took place at all. Next I thought
you were going to make me listen to you pee, while I wasn’t allowed
which you did for a minute but then put me in the tub, where I ended
up squirting all over myself because you squeezed me just after i
started and directed it where you wanted *burn*. I felt very pushed
down by that which perhaps paved the way for the rest of the night. I
took a shower after that to wash off, and also warm up, because I had
been cold earlier, and that felt very good and relaxing.
I felt good when I came back to see you, pushed down for sure but
relaxed and easily felt submissive and comfortable kissing your feet,
and even in my later resists to go pee. I think those felt easier
because i was already feeling so submissive that it was easier to ask
in any manner you wanted. We just chatted normally for quite a while
as I brought your beers and we drank together in a very pleasant way
(for me). All of my resistance was gone, and I did not mind having to
ask so badly, more than some inconvenience, but definitely not
resisting by then.. I think we discussed the progress of the diet and
so forth, and probably many other things but the feeling of being so
submissive did not go away. Its nice to feel that way as it makes
everything else so much easier for me.
Eventually I ate some breakfast and came back to sit by you on the
floor. When I had to ask to pee again, this time you required me to
beg. Begging is usually very hard for me mentally… I have not sorted
out why, but sometimes I resist it very much, and have to force myself
through the motions, which I a sure does not appear to genuine to you.
But if I cant get in the right mindset, that’s all I can do. However,
last night I was feeling so pushed down, and perhaps horny too, but
mostly pushed down and it came much easier, as I tried to display me
need to you and beg sincerely for your permission. It wasn’t granted
easily though, and you had me sink deeper into the feeling, lowering
my body even more while kneeling, with my head near the floor. As I
did this and arched lower, feeling even more pushed down and owned, I
felt vaguely the same as when I was hypnotized… in a comfortable
place offering my body to you, without holding back. The more this
went on the deeper I seem to fall. At some point I could feel your
fingers brushing over my back, and nudging me into the position you
wanted. I have found that is a very hot button for me, being
positioned by your hands. Eve did that and so did Miss Lynn, and I
was very aware of it. It has the effect of calming me yet feeling very
controlling, especially done so lightly, and pushes me down a lot. It
gets to me to be “positioned”.. in a lot of ways although I was afraid
to let it feel too erotic with them. In any case you did this to me as
I was attempting to beg, and when you do it it has a LOT more effect
and my mind just crumbled. From then on I felt like I was in a dream,
stuck in slow motion, heated and wanting, and very very owned. I felt
like you owned every square inch of my body and mind, which you do,
but I do not always feel it so intensely. And it made me feel hot too,
even though I still needed to pee. I thin the intensity of the
submissive feeling and heat soon overshadowed my need to pee, so that
I was only vaguely aware of it from time to time when I moved.
You had me crawling at that point on the floor everywhere I went..
which I did not resist at all… I felt I belonged there if you wanted
me there… and I fetched the lube and your gloves and returned with
them too you…. sometimes bringing you another beer in the process.
That pushed me down as well, bringing you a beer while you had me so
submissive, playing with my body. This time instead of beating me, you
teased me into waning to be fucked so deeply *burn*… that is such a
low feeling but even now it arouses me to remember how it felt. I
shamelessly opened up my body to you to take, and you did, penetrating
my as at will and I had no resistance…it felt too hot to deny and so
low for me. AT one point I remember vaguely that you were pressing
against things that made me feel like cumming and peeing at the same
time… I did not know what was going to happen, but I felt I was
going to start dripping cum… I may have I am not sure, but not too
much. I think you finally let me pee, crawling back and forth…
probably getting you a beer at the same time. I was totally pushed
down, headed and submissive by then I don’t recall ever feeling that
far down before, although I must have from some other things you have
done. I know you asked me if I liked being violated that way, and I
could do nothing but agree *burn* I felt like melting through the
floor hearing myself saying that. I am truly yours, Trainer. I may try
to resist, although I don’t really want to on a higher plane, but you
do not allow it… you push until you have shown me it is gone. That’s
very hot to me. I know that can’t always happen, especially when I am
terribly afraid, but you can cut through my mental resistance I am
quite convinced. Part of this is I do not want to resist ( but I may
anyway for some reason). I doubt this is making sense to you, and I
don’t understand why I would resist when i don’t want to, but I know I
do at times. It is hot to dissolve that.
I know this is in our history now, further making us unequal. I can
not deny what has happened, nor how low I sink, kind of like a mark to
be worn from now on… Perhaps it will fade in time, only to be
replaced by fresh ones, just like the physical marks you leave on me
from time to time.
You put me in bed after that. I remember you coming to bed later but
kind of vague…I must have gone right back to sleep. This morning
when I woke it felt very good to be near you.. I love that. I felt
very horny by the time I got up, but there was nothing I could do
about it.
I love you very much. Thank you so much for making me know and feel so
deeply yours. You make it seems so easy but I know there is a lot more
too it than I know. I am very grateful you renew that feeling in me
from time to time as it makes serving you
devoted love,
b