Prose
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Young Female Sadists
In elementary school no less:
In second and third grade, I was “mentored,” as it were, by an older girl in my neighborhood with whom I often played. She was about five years older than me, putting her in middle school. She had some very sadistic sexually-themed fantasies that she liked to have me help her act out. I can still recall these in some detail. Themes included luring/kidnapping, physical and sexual torture, bondage, lots of threats, and finally, cutting, amputation, or outright murder, often with cannibalization. I sometimes played the victim, sometimes the co-conspirator in these roleplays. I always identified with the dominator, though. It was my only experience at bottoming, in a way!
Early / Late Bloomers (Sexuality and BDSM)
Power Exchange Orientation
I’ve been using the phrase “power exchange orientation” for some time. Mostly because I think it enables discussion of D/s without carrying along much of the old baggage that often seems to bring along old lore without adding much clarity.
Maymay has written an essay:
Being submissive is who I am sexually. I can not imagine being any other way. Furthermore, I have always been submissive sexually. The very first sexualized memory I have is one of a fantasy that involves orgasm control, and ever since then and probably from well before, control and power have been inexorably linked to my expressions of sexual fulfillment. In other words, for me sexual arousal is tied to feeling submissive; I rarely, if ever, feel turned on unless I also feel submissive (in one of myriad ways).
Because Submissive is an Orientation
Feminization is a Bitch
Before I ever encountered the female domination subculture I’d learned from heterosexual crossdressers that there’s an all too alive buried assumption that wearing female attire and feminine behavior has to do with ’service,’ submissiveness, being pleasing and having inferior status. That men who professed to adore women wore panties and the like as a mark of mark of inferior status, tokens of humiliation simply stunned me. The modern age was not clearly had not worked out the way my younger self expected.
And given that in my own life feminine males were treasures and sources of elation it just seemed plain disgusting.
While I’ve never really come to like this form of D/s I do realize it probably does allow men who otherwise couldn’t face gender identity and sexual orientations an outlet of sorts.
Dev shares her feelings in an entry:
I’m still not into forced feminization. And I know a lot of women’s clothing is actually soft and comfortable - delicate in a good way. (Jos wore my underwear to bed one time and I was amazed how soft and nice it felt.) And I prefer men who like to wear women’s clothes because they enjoy feeling soft, sensual, and sexy, rather than because they think being like a woman is humiliating.
Acquiring or Creating a Fetish
The induction of fetishistic appetites is a thread on Fetish Lore. Here is my own contribution:
Some specific desires are formed when we are very, very young. I can elucidate some of them to a limited degree. I can relate them to early experiences even though I cannot really say why they gained erotic ascendancy. Being whipped is the primary example for me.
I’ve acquired certain fetishes from reading about them. E.g., testicle weighting. First time I read about that I was terribly squicked (of course they were hanging the most ridiculous things: irons and the like). About a year later it clicked.
Chastity seemed simply stupid when I first encountered it. Again, the presentation dictated much of that response. Much, much later I could connect it to my generalized desire to feel needy.
In certain cases specialized acts click into place within the framework of my overall sexual nature. They become additional means for fulfilling them.
Boot licking acquired huge power because of how it would please my partner. This is the ideal feedback mechanism between two people who are deeply involved.
The real whys and wherefores may emerge when brain chemistry is adequately mapped.
The whole thread: Induced Fetish
Conversation, Confession & Negotiation
Eileen has finished her wonderful trilogy about being a reaction top.
All the foolish - and often perpetually lonely - dominants who make outlandish black and white demands should burn some of her words into their brains:
The free flow of conversation as negotiation as conversation is part of the way that I understand kink. Kink, for me, is not contained within formalized boundaries. There are no signposts that stop and start my kinky identity. I suspect, sometimes, that sex and kink have become somewhat estranged children in the public scene partially because of the practice of formalizing kinky interactions within certain time constraints, or certain types of speech. Sex, on the other hand, gets to cross boundaries, show up in casual conversations, evolve instinctively and play out naturally.
And here’s one approach that many submissive men - I’ll admit to it - have sometimes in confessing our dreams:
Remember I mentioned how hard it is for people to articulate what they like? In the ongoing give and take of ideas, listening to conversations and gleaning information subtly is an engaging intellectual challenge. I have to admit though, sometimes nothing compares to tying a submissive down and just forcing the fantasies out, all wrapped up in trembly words and moaning. It’s amazing what people will tell you when lust has broken down those polite barriers in our brains.
Reaction Top / Service Top
!
The word of the day is adaptability.
This is part one of three on being a reaction top.
I say that a lot, that I’m a reaction top. It’s the most concise way I could come up with to explain why I like the things I do.
Eileen has written one of the most enjoyable posts ever on being a top. Go read all of I Want It.
Wearing Mistress / Wife’s Lingerie
The funny, sometimes twisted psychology of men who wear their wives lingerie:
But it also is feminization, and that’s where Mistress Wife has a significant problem. Because it appears that i am equating submissiveness with being female. And while that is the tradition of our culture (and most cultures), it clearly is not what the modern Woman is all about. The modern Woman is about showing men that Women are the stronger gender, more naturally dominant, and that most men deep inside want to submit, especially sexually. So dressing me up like the “weaker sex” is in a way demeaning to Women and antithetical to the development of a Matriarchal society.
Mistress Wife has me wear Her panties not because they are female attire, but because they are Hers, and She likes the idea of having Her clothes around my genitals, possessing them. If She decided to wear men’s boxers, She would still want me to wear Her underwear. But honestly, for me wearing Her panties is feminizing … which i love.
Emotional Masochists : Warning
I, uh, enjoy - there is no proper word I can think of - emotional masochism. It is something I engage in carefully with a loving partner.
Gloria Brame, a wise woman, points out the danger of emotional masochism:
Meanwhile, not to insult people who have fantasies of being treated like shit — but maybe those fantasies need to be viewed as an expression of other, deeper emotional problems. Not all masochism is equal; not all masochism is good. Emotional masochism — which most normal human beings share to varying degrees — can destroy the person who is not in control of it.
Are you in control of your emotional masochism? Deep deep down, do you think you’re a piece of shit?
Worthless piece of shit submissives
Why I’m a Pervert
Some people are probably baffled by their atypical kinky desires. Not me:
My masochism manifested itself by age eight or nine. I’ve never forgotten a movie in which a man was tortured on the rack. And there was a particular whipping that I would forever want to relive.
By age eleven I wanted boys in the neighborhood to tie me to trees, to order me around and to hurt me. And I did get tied up once.
Why I am a Masochist and Submissive
Goddess, Lady, Ma’am, Mistress?
The problem with the various titles often used in F/m relationships is that they are tainted with unwanted associations. They seem aesthetically, socially impure.
Almost writes:
I have very ambivalent feelings about being called “Mistress.” It contains two almost diametrically opposed (in my mind) connotations. Not to mention it’s so trite and featured so prominantly in the lip-curling mainstream idea of femdom that Bitchy’s always railing about, that the word has achieved a bit of ridiculousness to me.
She’s going to give the title “Mistress” a try. Perhaps the only option to use our imagination and will and wrench words free of the unwelcome accumulated baggage: make them our own.
See her: “Thank you Mistress, may I have another?”
Earlier here: Honorifics and Titles and Kinky Theatre & BDSM Honorics.