Enjoying Submission?

Is it wrong for a submissive person or slave to feel enjoyment in pleasing a master or mistress? Some people think so.

It smacks of the worst theological pervasions like Christian asceticism. It makes D/s into something monstrous without connection to sexuality or humanity.

D/s and Selflessness

Individual Not Fetish

Lady Julia’s guy is one lucky fellow. I’m sure he knows that.

Many women are spooked by the idea of being dominant because of the negative stereotypes. And some men spook them by being too focued on the fetish and not the the individual. Equally true with casual play partners as well as wives and girlfriends.

Obviously as a Domme I hold some fascination with kinky play, but I think a bit of kink can spice up any relationship as long as limits are respected and as long as the fascination with the kink doesn’t overshadow the individual in the relationship. To me, when the kink turns you on more than the woman you’re with, that’s too much focus on the kink. She needs to be the center and the kink just a tool used to enhance the excitement you both feel for one another.

Vanilla Women and Kink

Honorifics and Titles

I know from my own relationship that anticipated roles and honorifics may shift. Or seem to given that sometimes it is confusing words with what they designate. Sometimes this can cause strife between a couple. But at the end the clarity should make for a stronger relationship.

Petty writes:

one problem with focussing on other stuff is that other areas of life get sidelined. when one’s life is intrinsically bound up in Goddess-worship then this can get problematical in the extreme.

so, i dropped “my” focus. fell off. completely. and this bit’s weirdest of all, i’ve stopped seeing Mistress C as a Goddess, presumably temporarily. when i look at Her (yeah, i still totally dig watching Her as She sleeps) She’s more like a Princess than the Praeter-Human Entity i’ve fallen in love with over the last few months.

post-Deity studies?

Training a Man to be a Sex Slave

I was searching for another topic when I came across this advice from Laura Goodwin:

First: know what the heck it is you want them to do. If you are not
sure if you like a thing, then just explain to the slave that you are
experimenting and are not sure if it will work. This is more advanced
BTW. The first thing you should do is teach you slave something simple
they can do that is guaranteed to work! If you know you like
penetration then teach him or her how you like that done, and don’t let
up on them until they get it right. Then praise and reward.

Start by trying to simply teach the person. If that person can’t
concentrate or obey, then stop everything and concentrate all your
attention on disciplining the person. Whatever you do to accomplish
this, it should be just enough to shock them into listening well to you,
without being so much that you anger or frighten the person.

If you have a real masochist on your hands you may have to break them
down and tire them out before you can begin the sex training, because
that’s what calms their minds and puts them in the mood. Don’t think of
it as rewarding them: think of it as preparing them for training. The
dough has to be kneaded before it’s allowed to rise, right? It’s
nothing more or less than that.

Sex training for slaves

Human Toilet

Aspirant has one of the longest running journals by a male slave on the web.

Here he writes of one of the means that he and the woman he calls Master reconnected to their roles:

I served as her toilet for much of the week. This was new. She has peed on me before, and sometimes made me drink some. But this week, for several days, every time she needed to pee, I layed semi-prone on the floor with a funnel in my mouth and looked up at her as she smiled, positioned it appropriately, and and emptied her bladder into my mouth. I think I drank more piss this week than all I’ve had in the years before.

It is one thing to be faced with a small amount, to know I must get through it and then it will be done. It is quite different to have a full bladder, and to know that there will be another, and another, and another. Sometimes I trembled there between her legs, overwhelmed by feelings that are hard to put words to. It made a regular, profound reminder of my place in our relationship.

Hers

Wearing Mistress / Wife’s Lingerie

The funny, sometimes twisted psychology of men who wear their wives lingerie:

But it also is feminization, and that’s where Mistress Wife has a significant problem. Because it appears that i am equating submissiveness with being female. And while that is the tradition of our culture (and most cultures), it clearly is not what the modern Woman is all about. The modern Woman is about showing men that Women are the stronger gender, more naturally dominant, and that most men deep inside want to submit, especially sexually. So dressing me up like the “weaker sex” is in a way demeaning to Women and antithetical to the development of a Matriarchal society.

Mistress Wife has me wear Her panties not because they are female attire, but because they are Hers, and She likes the idea of having Her clothes around my genitals, possessing them. If She decided to wear men’s boxers, She would still want me to wear Her underwear. But honestly, for me wearing Her panties is feminizing … which i love.

Feminization: The controversy

The Biochemistry of Masochism

I’ve extracted four bits to convince you that you might like to go read the entire article. The author speculatively explores the biochemical basis of the pleasure that masochists like myself get from pain.

A pain impulse will set off adrenaline production. Adrenaline is a “home made” (by the body) drug that will first of all create a state of higher alert. Adrenaline is produced when the body or mind experiences or suspects stress, pain, danger or uncertainty. Managers and sports people are usually real adrenaline junks and so are many of the people who are into erotic power exchange.

Endorphins may be – at least to a certain extent – one of the things lifestyle erotic power exchange revolves around. Although it is way too early for any scientific conclusions, it is becoming apparant endorphins play an important role in erotic power exchange scenes. Although endorphins are relatively “new” to the medical world – and even more so to psychologists and psychiatrists – it is quite generally acknowledged they play an important part in both our physical and psychological reactions.

Last but certainly not least the release of gonadotropin triggers the production of steroid hormones (amongst others the male sex hormone testosteron and the female counterpart oestrogen). To keep it plain and simple and very unscientific – there appears to be a direct links between endorphins (a.k.a. “emotion amino acids”) and the production of steroid hormones. Since we know some of the endorphins trigger direct EPE related emotions such as responses to pain, humiliation, uncertainty, love and affection, there seems to be a direct hormonal link between these emotions and sexual arousal. Why this happens to some people and not to others is probably the question that will eventually be found somewhere in the DNA-encoding.

Serotonin, found in many parts of the body, has immediate emotional effects. An increase of serotonin that follows introduction of its biological precursor into the brain generates signs of ecstasy and euphoria. Drugs that immitate the effects of serotonin have analogous chemical structures and produce excitement, hallucination and agitation. Drugs that are serotonin antagonists tend to generate feelings of depression. Psilocybin (found in certain mushrooms), used in Yucatán for centuries to induce trance states and LSD are serotonin-like.

Read all of Hormonal reactions and influences

F/m Dating Help

Help for the kinklorn:

Clarity. Courtesy. Empathy. Honesty.>

Those four words I think sum up what is needful in the search for friends, play partners and lovers. Still perhaps I can offer more concrete suggestions. Please feel free to ask. I’ll publish your question as a new entry and offer what I can. Other readers will hopefully add their perspective.

Go to Want Some Advice?

Infinite Gall

I try to not quote any one source too often or frequently but Eileen makes that difficult.

But the theme of incivility is one I find hard to resist. And the important reminder that because someone likes to be beaten or enjoys groveling doesn’t mean that they don’t have self-respect, aren’t entitled to your best behavior and aren’t likely to be tougher than you.

Eileen addresses the topic of strangers coming up and asking the top if they can manhandle the bottom.

People have done this to me and May, coming up to ask me if they can play with him. I like to step back and let him deal with it, because I am a sadist and I get a little happy shot of sadistic glee over watching my assertive, independent and totally-lacking-in-compassion-for-strangers slave boy rip these stupid people to shreds. Oh god, it’s wonderful. I could sell tickets.

Two Things Are Infinite