Don’t let even implicit collective social pressure define your sexuality:
… I’ve never seen myself as a part of subculture or scene. I’m just a man trying to make sure his life is rich in interests, pleasures and to my best to find fulfillment.
People who live the lives most worth living find their own individuality. That isn’t striving to be different. Which does create laughable subcultures. It is figuring yourself out and arranging your life in a manner that allow you to flourish.
I agree with Polyfetishist; M and I have never seen ourselves as part of a “scene” or part of the “life’: we don’t go to clubs; we hardly know anyone else who’s kinky — not that there’s anyhing wrong with the scene for people who like it, but we’re probably like a lot more more or less kinky people who are outwardly in our appearance and manner of living pretty much indistinguishable from anyone else, including lots of people who engage in some kinkiy practices that they don’t even think of as kinky, just as something they do for additional interest, gratification, stimulation, and the like.
We’re more “serious” than that; I’m a 24/7 submissive and she’s my full time Mistress, but I very recently had a related realization, in part about the nature of submission and servitude. I have a fairly traditional set of fetishes, leather, boots, corsets, ships, chains, and the like, but M, whose has been dealing with some chronic serious health issues for a while, made it clear to me in no uncertain terms that my fantasy life was not her pleasure, at least not as something I could expect, and that she wasn’t interested in being the sort of Mistress who catered to _my_ desires, especially if they tired her, scenes in that manner being a fair amount of effort to set up and run. I could hire a pro-Domme if that’s what I expected from a D/s relationship, she said.
That’s not what I want by a long chalk; I’m not interested in paying someone to make me do things that excite me and I love M. However,m I can’t be proud of my initial response to her remarks, which was to sulk and have an inconsiderate and selfish temper tantrum — as you can imagine, _that_ went over really well! –, but on reflection and repentence I see that she is quite right; the arrangement is about my pleasing her on her terms (and not wearing her out), not indulging my ideas of what she ought to be doing to please me. Particularly if that comes at her expense because of her health.
I suppose the point of this is pretty obvious about what a slave’s role is, but grasping it emotionally is different from understanding it intellectually. Anyway, I’m contrite and M is generally forgiving, although you don’t want to be on her wrong side if she’s angry, so I’m quite lucky, and have learned something too.